If you're running virtual OSes concurrently, and demanding applications like compilers, memory might be a bottleneck for your workstation use; you should check to see if you're swapping frequently. If the motherboard and budget supports it, consider 8GB.
I'd worry more about the amount of memory than the speed, if you're swapping to disk. Getting a dramatic increase in RAM speed will likely require a new motherboard and CPU (I usually upgrade all three together).
For gaming, while the 9500GT is by no means a bad card, there are newer cards that can outperform it substantially; I'd think about an nVidia GTX460, which has 3 or 4 times the fillrate and memory bandwidth for under $200. You might need a new power supply to run it, though.