Ok this problem literally makes no sense to me, but here goes:
Java based programs that I use, eg. Minecraft, Eclipse, etc... are not able to update. The instant they start downloading an update, they freeze. With both, they will get about 3.5kb - 8kb down before it just freezes and won't download any more. It has been doing this for a couple months, so I don't have a restore point to before this problem was happening. I also have no idea what was installed around that time. Here is a screenshot of the processes that are still running (after I went through and stopped a bunch of random ones to see if that fixed anything) 
I don't know what to do, and it seems that reinstalling Windows is going to be too much of a hassle, because I have a couple programs from giveawayoftheday.com that I use often and the installs for those only work for a day, so I can't reinstall them after even though I still have the exe. Anyone have any ideas what could cause this?
I tried uninstalling anything sketchy looking, killing unknown processes, and turning off anti-virus and firewall.