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Windows now thinks that I have some sort of infrared mouse hooked up to my new TV Tuner (mouse properties show "human input device on eHome infrared" something or another).

How can I dissuade it of this crazy idea and force it to detect my regular old PS/2 mouse?

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Try poking around settings for your TV card. It is probably detecting its remote control device as a mouse. You may have to disable the remote control or to get newer drivers for it. I have same problem, but mine is detected as a keyboard.

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