There is no "easy" solution currently available to keep two iPhoto libraries perfectly synchronized. Solutions like rsync and just recopying the library work OK if you only ever modify the library on one end, but like you said, don't work so well for changes from both sides.
This article at Macworld outlines one way to sync up changes between two iPhoto libraries, using iPhoto Library Manager. It's not a perfect solution, as it won't handle items like books, slideshows, or calendars, and won't reconcile metadata/editing changes to existing photos, but it can at least copy newly imported photos from one library to another while preserving their metadata.